Your feelings about your birth are your own

I came across a conversation on Cafe Mom recently that started with a woman asking why women have to brag about having big babies. It’s so annoying, she bemoaned, why do women think it’s a badge of honor or something? This was followed up by a series comments about how it’s because those women are a bunch of stuck up, competitive bitches, and why do they have to perpetuate the mommy wars?
I found myself very annoyed by this conversation, and said so. I replied “Why do people brag about running marathons or winning a contest? God forbid people talk about having done a hard thing that they’re proud of.
You know what annoys me? I can’t talk about my children’s births without being accused of “bragging” or trying to make other women feel bad. Talking about something that makes me proud does not equal arrogant bragging, nor is it an insult towards how you live your life. Sheesh.”
What women like this don’t get is that by condemning those of us who are proud of our birth experience to silence they are perpetuating these so called mommy wars too. They are telling other women to sit down and shut up, and that their experiences are negative, unworthy of being shared, something shameful that should be hidden. If you don’t hide it, you are called a bitch, and accused of making other people feel bad.
I can’t make other people feel anything. I cannot enter into your body and stimulate the release of hormones, nor can I manipulate your thoughts. How you react to something I say is entirely on you. When I tell my birth story, you can choose to react by feeling yours was inadequate in comparison, or you can just say “Good for you!” Should you choose the first path though, you should know that I never said your birth was inadequate, I never said you should feel bad about it, I never said anything about your birth at all, so your feelings about your birth are entirely your own, and exist whether or not I tell you my birth story. Please refrain from blaming your feelings on me for having the birth I had.


About Rockingthehomestead

Badass feminist environmentalist.
This entry was posted in Labor and Delivery and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Your feelings about your birth are your own

  1. I tell my kids this all the time. The only thing you can control is your reaction.

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