I never would have thought it was possible to love Jeremy any more than I already did three months ago. Maybe it’s the post birth hormonal roller coaster speaking, but going through the whole process of labor, birth, and post partum with Jeremy has shown me how incredibly lucky I am to have found someone as amazing as he is.
Jeremy was an amazing birth partner. He knew just when and how to make me laugh, when to quietly hold my hand, when to give me water, when to look strong even when he was scared. He did the hip squeeze (which felt heavenly through most of my birth) like a pro. It was holding his hand and seeing his face that pulled me through that scary period at the end when I was so sure I couldn’t do it.
In the days following the birth, when I was sore and tired and felt so gross, my body bleeding and leaking milk and healing, Jeremy looked at me and treated me as if I were as beautiful to him as I was on our wedding day. He never once said or did anything to make me feel less than gorgeous (and it’s hard to feel gorgeous when blood clots are coming out of you).
One day, I mentioned I wanted to take a bath, and without a thought, he started running it for me. I went into the bathroom, thanked him, and went to step in, but it was way too hot! I ran some cool water into, and suddenly realized that in that time I had bled all over the carpet. It was awful! I was disgusted and embarrassed, how gross was it to bleed on the carpet? But Jeremy came in and cleaned it for me, like he was drying up spilt water, and not the gross thing that it was. He was so accepting of my imperfections, and so loving as he discovered them. I was blown away.
As weeks progressed and he saw I was overwhelmed with housework and kids, he really stepped up to the plate helping out around the house and with child care. Especially with Elijah, he has been so good with Elijah, going out of his way to give him special attention and affection when he can. If I had any lingering fears that Jeremy might love Freja more because she’s biologically his, they have been wiped away. Jeremy is an amazing father.
Sometimes I look at him now and wonder what I did to deserve him. I feel as though I could never give back to him anything as profoundly beautiful as what he has given me in the last few months. But I know I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying.
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