This post is gross, and probably TMI for many of you, but I just have to share it.
I have pretty easy pregnancies for the most part, but one discomfort I do tend to get is hemorrhoids. Gross, I know, but it happens. Actually, after Elijah, they never fully went away. They were so bad, in fact, that I got prescription steroid suppositories for them a little more than a year ago. They worked okay. They weren’t gone, but I could live with them. Mainly I managed with Tucks Wipes and a little Preparation H of they got really bad. And I lived with them.
In general they have not been bad in this pregnancy. I’ve managed to stave off constipation for the most part, and I’ve been more active. But yesterday things flared up in a big way. Oh, it was bad. So bad, in fact, that I was nearly in tears by the time I got home.
I pulled out the leftover suppositories and googled to see if they were safe during pregnancy. They were not. So I smeared on as much Preparation H as I reasonable could, and crawled whimpering into bed.
When I woke up this morning, I thought maybe they were better, but after getting up and walking around I knew that they were not. They were starting to hurt again, nearly as bad as the evening before, and it wasn’t even noon yet.
I drank lots of water and took a sitz bath, nothing helped. I went and lied down, allowing Elijah to watch YouTube videos while I napped. Woke up still in pain. At this point I thought about the long walk from the parking lot at school to my classrooms, and the hard chairs I would have to sit on for five hours of class, and decided I couldn’t do it. I called my midwife, left a message, and started googling remedies for relieving hemorrhoid pain. When you google that, you get a lot of stuff about drinking more water and eating more fiber, but what if your hemorrhoids aren’t caused by constipation? And even if they are, that does nothing to soothe the pain right now. That’s like telling a person who’s got a broken leg that the solution is to avoid jumping off roofs. Yes, that will help me avoid making this worse or repeating this incident, BUT MY LEG FREAKING HURTS NOW!!! WHAT DO I DO RIGHT NOW?!?!? The best I could find that wasn’t advice on avoiding hemorrhoids in the future or something I hadn’t already tried was to lay down on your side and ice them.
Now, I don’t know how many of you have ever tried to ice your rectum, but it’s just about the most uncomfortable place to press an ice cube. I was really glad when my midwife called me back and gave me some different advice.
She told me to shred a potato and put the shreds on my rectum. Well, I was willing to try anything, so I headed to the kitchen, grabbed a potato and a cheese grater, and I shredded that sucker up. Then I took a glob of it pressed it between my butt cheeks, and went back to relaxing. After a few hours, I replaced the first glob with a new one, which I wore a few more hours until bed time. I might have put a new glob on there, but when I felt down there, the hemorrhoid was gone! It had shrunk completely away, so that it was flat down there. I was totally amazed! Shredded potato worked even better than the suppositories did! As I’m writing this now, the soreness is pretty much gone. Everyone with hemorrhoids has got to try this. It’s a miracle worker.
Guess my baby stats!
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