Jeremy rolled over to snuggle me one night and said “You know what I’ve been thinking?”
“What?” I reply.
“We’re going to have a baby.”
I smirked. “Yeah.”
“It’s going to be a mix of you and me.”
That’s a nice way to think of it. Much better than my way, that I’m bringing an entirely new person into this home, and what if he or she doesn’t fit in? Or feels resentful? Or Elijah feels resentful? What if this doesn’t work out?
I’ve been looking at this sort of like we’re getting a roommate that we didn’t get to interview before he or she moves in, but Jeremy is looking at it like this little baby is going to be a surprise melding of the two of us, so of course it will fit perfectly, because the two of us fit perfectly, so a combination of the two of us will also fit.
Both viewpoints probably have a lot of validity. And both of us could probably use to think about the other one. I shouldn’t be so scared of bringing a new person into our home, while this person is new, it’s still my child. It’s Jeremy’s child. It’s Elijah’s sibling. It’s made out of the two of us and is bonding to us already. These kinds of things form a bond ahead of time that you just don’t get when you bring in a random person as a roommate.
At the same time, this baby is it’s own individual and will be different than all of us, and it’s probably important that Jeremy remember that too. Yes, genetically this baby is simply a blend of the two of us, but people are more than the sum of their genes. If we’re expecting a mini us, we’re probably going to be shocked. This baby is it’s own person.
But I liked hearing Jeremy’s perspective. It was reassuring to me.
In other news, I feel great. I feel like I could take on the world. I move a tiny bit more slowly now, and tend to tire a little more easily, but for the most part it’s like I’m not even pregnant (except for the baby moving, no longer sleeping on my tummy, and all the heartburn). It’s tough to remember sometimes that I’m not always going to feel this good. Give it ten weeks and I’ll probably be more uncomfortable. I have taken steps not to overdo it before then. I decided I will no longer accept doula clients starting in July and going through at least September. I’ll evaluate how I feel at the end of September and see if I’m ready to resume in October. I also signed up for predominantly online classes for summer and fall semester, and in the fall I’ll only be attending half time.
Here (if I can manage to get it posted before I’m 30 weeks) is a picture of me at 22 weeks. We’re still working on photo composition but I definitely think there’s some improvement. Still craving strawberries and blue cheese. Sometimes chocolate too. Baby is about the size of a large mango.