8 weeks

When they say every pregnancy is different, they really mean it. I don’t remember my boobs hurting this much, or at all for that matter, with Elijah. Or my uterus. Or my stomach. In fact, I think the only thing that hurt in my first trimester last time was my heart and my pride.
This whole experience has made me think of how lucky I was last time around. I had no morning sickness, no cramps, and the fatigue was manageable. And thank God, because emotionally I was a wreck. If I’m going to have a physically hard pregnancy, I’m glad it wasn’t that first one, the one where I was going through all that craziness with the ex. And I’m fully aware that as hard as this one is, it’s nothing compared to what other women go through (I have yet to be so sick I’ve vomited, and I can make it through about half the days without napping), many of them while also going through the same level of emotional drama that I went through last time. I wish I could go and hug every hurting, single pregnant woman experiencing physically hard pregnancies right now. They deserve hugs!
So is going through pregnancy in a committed, loving relationship different? In a lot of ways it’s actually not. I’m very glad I don’t have the stress of a breakup, or some crazy jerk sending me threatening and insulting text messages and drunk voicemails all the time, but besides that (and access to sex whenever he and I are amenable to it, which is less often than I imagined before – we’re both so tired all the time and I’m frequently sick in the evenings) it’s pretty much the same. I am less tolerant of some of my husband’s more irritating qualities now, but I remember being frequently irritated with my mother when I was pregnant with Elijah too. I do feel surrounded by love, but I did last time also, it’s just that the circle of loving people closest to me has changed this time. Last time it was my mom as my closest partner, and my extended family beyond her, my aunts, uncles, and cousins. This time it’s my husband as my closest partner, and my immediate family and his immediate family beyond him. The whole experience has been a lesson in being grateful for what I have. I think single pregnant women fantasize about how much better things would be if we were doing this with a loving and committed partner, but honestly I can’t say that the love and support I received from my mother was any less than what I get from my husband. I love Jeremy and I’m so happy to be doing this with him, but it was just as nice going through my pregnancy with my mom, just in a different way. The main difference is just not having the stress of a breakup to deal with, and that, my friends, makes this experience so much more pleasant, despite the physical discomfort I’m experiencing.



About Rockingthehomestead

Badass feminist environmentalist.
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