I don’t remember dating being so much work, but then, I wasn’t a mom before.

Being a mom takes up so much time you automatically have to date differently.  You don’t have as much time for social activity, and you have to be cautious about meeting people in places like bars (you should have always been cautious about that, you never know who’s a serial killer, but lets face it, we may not have always been as careful as we should have been), so you’re forced to look into alternatives like online dating and dating services.

These services can be a little frustrating.  First off, you have no idea, especially online, if someone is lying.  The most common lie I’ve encountered is lying about height.  For some reason, men under six feet tall always seem to claim they’re two inches taller than what they are.  So, a man who claims to be 5’8” is probably only 5’6”.  Not a big deal, right?  Unless you’re a 5’8” woman.  I’m willing to date a dude a little shorter than I am, but usually guys aren’t willing to date a woman taller than they are.  Why would they lie about their height?  Do they think I’m lying to make myself look taller?  Or do they really believe they’re 5’8”?  Because I get measured annually for the Army so I am quite certain that my height is correct.  Who are all these short men anyhow?  Am I just totally biased and have unreal expectations because (some of you may gasp) I am the shortest person in my family?

But you have to worry about other lies too.  Is this person really single?  A quick perusal of Don’ makes you skeptical if you can believe the claims of singlehood on dating sites.  Does this person have drug problems?  No way to tell on a dating site.  Are they clingy?  Abusive?  Controlling?  No way to tell.  You look for red flags when you meet them, and in my experience, red flags have been aplenty.

Half the guys you’re matched with on the mega sites are not paying members, so you’re never going to hear from them if you click the button to say you’re interested.  They just filled out a profile on a lark, and they’re not going to pay for services.  The sites send you these profiles in the hopes that if you click interested, it might lure the unpaid members into a paid membership.  I don’t think its working too well.

On top of that, most of the people I have been matched with have either been conservatives, say they won’t date anyone but a thin or athletic girl, or both.  Why would they match a woman who lists herself as “Very Liberal” and “Curvy” with men who are conservative and basically say in their profile “No Fat Chicks”?  Truth be told, I wouldn’t date a man who had that on his profile even if I were thin.  That man is shallow.

Dating services are a little more reliable.  They usually run background checks (which is a huge cost up front) to ensure these men don’t have a criminal record, that they’re not married, that they’re employed, etc.  You get less matches for your money (although, considering that most of the matches I get daily from Chemistry are useless, because of the above reasons, I’m probably actually getting more for my money from The Right One, the dating service I’m enrolled in), and you either have to pay for a whole years worth of service up front, or finance the cost of services.  Not great for your credit.

Once you meet someone nice, you have to deal with time issues.  Most single moms work full time, then you have a child, which is basically a second full time job.  Doesn’t leave a lot of time for dating.  A man with no children is easily frustrated by a woman who can only see him once every one or two weeks.  You may have to deal with them being jealous of your child, or not getting along with your child, or not meshing with your parenting style.  Honestly, I don’t know what could go wrong after that point, because I haven’t gotten past the time issue in my dating life, but I’m sure there is something.

It’s a wonder that any single mother ever gets married!  But I can assure you, they do.  I know two single moms who have, and I’m inclined to interview them about their experiences and share them with you.  Because right now, as you can probably tell, I’m frustrated and at a loss. 


About Rockingthehomestead

Badass feminist environmentalist.
This entry was posted in Dating, Single Mom and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dating

  1. Katy says:

    If you do interview these former single mom’s I would love to read it. I compeltely identify where you are coming from. My daughter is 10 now and I have basically given up trying to find a man because of most of the frustrations you listed above.

  2. jessimonster says:

    I’ve already started working on it!

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