I have been having the hardest time the past few weeks. I’m tired of my full time job, I’m hoping I can quit it soon and go back to being a traditional Guardsman (that means I’ll only do my one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer, as opposed to being in uniform all the time, like I am now). I’m dieing to go back to school full time (I was not cut out for online classes, especially not online science classes). I’m sick of my hour long commute.
A friend of mine wrote to me a few days ago and said he had “Senioritus” (the condition that seniors get a month or two before graduating) because he was quitting his job in a few days to go back to grad school, and his head just wasn’t in it anymore. I guess I’m experiencing the same thing, only I don’t know if I can quit my job to go back to school full time, so I really shouldn’t be feeling this way. I also have just lost motivation for my work in general, and its affecting the quality of my work.
I hate my job. It blows dogs for quarters. They’ve been really supportive of me through my pregnancy and everything, but I have no benefits, no opportunity for advancement, and I’m not taken seriously around here anymore. Its time to move on.
Plus I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. My daycare provider fell ill and is no longer going to be able to care for Elijah. I’m sad, mainly because Elijah loves her so much, and I felt so good about leaving him there. I also feel bad because she is going to be moving in with her daughter now, and I know that she doesn’t want to lose her independence. I am very glad that she is not seriously ill though. She was in the hospital for a while, and we were really worried about her.
Also, Elijah is sleeping worse and worse at night. I’m working on getting him to sleep better, but its hard. A bunch of people recommended the No Cry Sleep Solution to me, and it seems pretty good so far (I’ll write a book review on it once I can report as to how well the solutions it presents works), but I’m worried that Elijah is one of those babies the book talks about that will never sleep through the night until I move him to his own bed/crib. Some nights I think it would be really nice to have my bed to myself again, but I know I’d miss snuggling up to him.
There are other issues stressing me out as well, but I don’t want to write about them for fear they will jinx me. I’m a very superstitious person. Hopefully I will be able to report on some of them tomorrow.
Anyway, my brain is just not in it today. Nor has it been in a week or so. I’m totally checked out. If I could lay in bed all day and snuggle my son, I would. Seriously.
Wow, there’s a streak on my computer screen that’s shaped like a penis. That’s weird.
Everyone, please, say a prayer or whatever for me to be able to quit my job after the DNC and go back to school full time. If I finish my degree, I can get out of the Army. I want out. I want to stop worrying about how many push ups I can do (its not much). I want to re-pierce my nose and start wearing ear rings again. I want to have the weekend of my birthday off every year (I always, always, always have drill over my birthday weekend). I don’t want to leave my son for a year to deploy.
Plus, and I almost hate to write this down for the whole world to see, but I know I’ll never get married if I stay in the military. Marriage isn’t my top priority, or anything, and God knows I certainly don’t want to go rushing into anything, but one day I’d like to get married and have more kids. I don’t want to marry a man in the military because there is too much adultery going on in the military. Sorry to all you service members who are faithful. You know that, sadly, you are vastly outnumbered. I don’t want to take chances with that one. The trouble is, not a lot of civilian dudes are willing to wait around for a chick during their deployment. So there, I said it. I want to get out so I have a chance of getting married one day.
I need to get some glass cleaner for my screen, this is really bothering me.