My pregnancy was totally unplanned. When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, I just sat there on the toilet with my pants around my ankles for what seemed like hours, staring at that little plus sign that didn’t even have the decency to wait until I set it down on the counter to show up. This wasn’t how I imagined I would get pregnant one day. I felt totally unprepared and out of control.
When I made the decision, a few days later, that I was indeed going to have the baby, I wanted to seize what little bit of control I could. I immediately started reading on what was going on in my body, in the baby’s body, and what the future held for us both. I had to know everything. It became an addiction.
Seven months after having Elijah, nothing has changed. I still want to learn more about pregnancy, child birth and parenting every day. Whatever information I encounter I absorb, whether it applies to me or not. I am a member of several pregnancy, child birth and parenting forums where I proceed to disseminate this information in the hopes of helping some woman who isn’t as hopelessly addicted to child bearing knowledge as I am.
I have thought, since having Elijah, about what I could do with this new found passion and knowledge, and the more I try to answer questions and give encouragement, the more it becomes clear. I should be involved in pregnancy and childbirth as a career, somehow. Since I don’t see myself becoming a nurse or a doctor, and midwifery probably isn’t in my future either, I did some research on what it takes to become a doula, and decided that very likely was for me.
Really, I felt most inspired by my own doula, and a few encouraging words from her when I wrote to her about my doula ideas was all it took to make me decide for sure that this is what I wanted to do. I checked out the required reading list for certification and found that I had already read some of the books on the list. I chose a class to attend (in November) and made an announcement at work. I’m going to become a doula.
I hope that I can help women have the empowering, awe inspiring birth that my doula helped me to have. I hope I can satisfy some of my lust for the pregnancy and child birth experience (because I’m just dying to do it all again) by sharing that experience with other women. I hope I can one day make a descent living at this. And I hope I will be able to volunteer my services to other single mothers, and maybe empower them a little to not let their situation condemn them and their children. I hope I can be there for women who need a c section without getting queasy.
Hopefully now my choice doesn’t seem so sudden to everyone.