All Natural, Single Mothering 101

The green adventures of a single new mother

My message to all the men in the world July 22, 2008

When I was deployed in 2004-05, I was outnumbered by men 75 to 1.  Despite this staggering ratio, nearly every man I was deployed with expected that they would hook up with someone while they were there (marital status - theirs or the women they were after - was of little consequence to them).  More astounding than that, many of the men looking to hook up would accept nothing less than the five or so women in our camp who were remarkably, exceedingly beautiful. 

What in gods name, I wondered, could lead these men to believe they could achieve their sexual goals?  I mean, if I were in a room with 74 other women and Brad Pitt, I would not expect to be the one to hook up with him.  I mean, my odds seem pretty slim to begin with, not to mention I am aware of the fact that I’m not exactly in Brad Pitt’s league.  Do men not have that same reasoning process that I have?

Apparently not.  Since I began paying attention to men and society at large (which, like it or not, is still run by men) one thing has become abundantly clear to me.  The vast majority of men, fat or thin, tall or short, rich or poor, believe there is something special about them.  They believe that there is some super signal emanating from them that sets them apart from all the rest of the retards in the world (who, incidentally, believe they too are somehow “special”), and will somehow enable them to hook up with whatever super hot chick they desire.  They believe that no woman could possibly resist them, and every woman they encounter wants nothing more than to be lucky enough for him to choose her to sleep with.

Men must be delusional. 

Earth to all the men in the world, you are no Adonis (those of you who are, there’s probably something else wrong with you, so don’t get all smug yet).  Furthermore, no matter how many young, hot women you see with men who are old, fat, balding, dorky, piggish or some combination of these traits, on TV, in real life women actually do give a shit what their partner looks like … just like you do.

Are we shallow?  No more so than men are.  In fact, women will make acceptions to the rules of physical attraction if a man has wealth or power, men usually are on only one track when it comes to being shallow.  Women are also usually more aware of what league they are in, where as men all seem to think they’re the cream of the crop.

I can sort of see where men get this idea from.  On TV, all the time, I see really beautiful women paired with really average (or less) men.  And boys aren’t bombarded with the kind of self-loathing propaganda that girls are from a young age.  But you would think that a year or two after puberty the truth would become clear.  Girls, just like boys, want to have a mate who is at least as attractive as they are.  If a man is not going to be attractive, he better have something else to offer, most often money, power or fame.

There are women out there who don’t care if you’re an ugly, jobless pig, of course.  These are women who feel so shitty about themselves that they’ll settle for anything.  Rest assured, if you are an ugly, jobless pig, the only women you’re getting are settling, and you are “anything”.  (In all fairness, that is a two way street, the only men who will date a woman who is an ugly, bitchy pig is one that feels so shitty about himself he’ll settle for anything.)  Women who feel that shitty about themselves usually have good reasons, of course, an ugly, jobless pig isn’t settling when he hooks up with that kind of woman;  that’s the best he can do.

See, here’s the point of all this.  I have seen a lot of really nice, wonderful, average looking guys completely overlook really nice, wonderful, average looking girls who are totally into them, just because they think they can get a super model.  Then I hear them bitching that all women are shallow.  Yeah, all the women you’re going after are shallow.  So are you.  If you want women to overlook your physical imperfections, you sure as hell better be willing to overlook a few yourself.

I also have seen a lot of really good guys who take awful care of themselves get turned down again and again, then complain that women are shallow.  But really, would you want to date a woman as slobby as you are?  Not only is total unkemptness (physically or in your life in general) a turnoff, but its also terribly disrespectful.  When you are a slob all the time, what you’re telling women is that she should have no standards, that she should spread her legs for what ever disgusting slob comes around.  I’m not saying you should always look perfect or that you should go metrosexual, but putting a little effort forth more often than not makes a big difference in the eyes of women.  I mean, I dig a dude in flannel, and he doesn’t have to shave every day, but I think he should know the appropriate times to clean up and he should do so nicely (jeans are not formal wear).

So listen up, all the men in the world, unless you’re in a situation where the men outnumber the women 75 to 1 (if you are, you’re pretty much screwed), there is something you can do to increase your chances of hooking up with awesome, beautiful women.  Expand your definition of what beautiful is, beautiful women come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and styles.  Put a little effort into making yourself physically attractive, you might up your playing field a little.  Put a little extra effort into having other traits to offer women, such as stability and support, being a handyman or good with kids, or having a great sense of humor.

Women try really hard to be the best that they can for the man who is lucky enough to be chosen by her.  We expect the same out of you.

 

Victory Gardens! April 30, 2008

I think we need to bring back the Victory Garden.  In WWII, people planted gardens to grow some of their own food in order to conserve food for the Soldiers.

I think we need to bring them back for two reasons.  First, as a Soldier, it disturbs me how easy it is to send our country to war without it having an effect on the general population.  It used to be when the country was at war, we all were at war, whether or not we were on the battle field.  We conserved, we sent the women to work, we bought war bonds, we donated our panty hose, etc.  Not to mention, there was a draft then.  Now the country is at war, and everyone just keeps on trucking (literally, in a truck or SUV) like they did before we were at war.  No worries, no problems.  Unless you’re in the military, or the loved one of a service member, of course.  But who cares about us, right?  I mean, the system is set up so that the most of us are really poor anyhow.  Of course this works really well for politicians who want to keep us at war without a good reason or even good results, the rest of the country really isn’t going to fight it if it really has no impact on them.  This is one reason I support re instating the draft, as well.  People think long and hard about supporting a war when they might actually have to go fight in it.  But thats all beyond the point.

The second reason that I support re instating the Victory Garden is because it is good for the environment, for local economies, and for human health, happiness and security (like No Impact Man says).  Yesterday I read a really great article demonstrating this second reason, and although I’d love to post the whole thing here, its really really long, so I’m just going to post some of my favorite points from it.  If you’d like to read the whole thing, please feel free to do so, here.

Why Bother
By Micheal Pollan
The Good Parts edit by Jessimonster

There are so many stories we can tell ourselves to justify doing nothing, but perhaps the most insidious is that, whatever we do manage to do, it will be too little too late. Climate change is upon us, and it has arrived well ahead of schedule. Scientists’ projections that seemed dire a decade ago turn out to have been unduly optimistic: the warming and the melting is occurring much faster than the models predicted. Now truly terrifying feedback loops threaten to boost the rate of change exponentially, as the shift from white ice to blue water in the Arctic absorbs more sunlight and warming soils everywhere become more biologically active, causing them to release their vast stores of carbon into the air. Have you looked into the eyes of a climate scientist recently? They look really scared.
So do you still want to talk about planting gardens?
I do.

…the climate-change crisis is at its very bottom a crisis of lifestyle — of character, even. The Big Problem is nothing more or less than the sum total of countless little everyday choices, most of them made by us (consumer spending represents 70 percent of our economy), and most of the rest of them made in the name of our needs and desires and preferences.
For us to wait for legislation or technology to solve the problem of how we’re living our lives suggests we’re not really serious about changing — something our politicians cannot fail to notice. They will not move until we do. Indeed, to look to leaders and experts, to laws and money and grand schemes, to save us from our predicament represents precisely the sort of thinking — passive, delegated, dependent for solutions on specialists — that helped get us into this mess in the first place. It’s hard to believe that the same sort of thinking could now get us out of it.

Our society assigns us a tiny number of roles: we’re producers (of one thing) at work, consumers of a great many other things the rest of the time, and then once a year or so we vote as citizens. Virtually all of our needs and desires we delegate to specialists of one kind or another — our meals to agribusiness, health to the doctor, education to the teacher, entertainment to the media, care for the environment to the environmentalist, political action to the politician.

Cheap fossil fuel allows us to pay distant others to process our food for us, to entertain us and to (try to) solve our problems, with the result that there is very little we know how to accomplish for ourselves. Think for a moment of all the things you suddenly need to do for yourself when the power goes out — up to and including entertaining yourself. Think, too, about how a power failure causes your neighbors — your community — to suddenly loom so much larger in your life. Cheap energy allowed us to leapfrog community by making it possible to sell our specialty over great distances as well as summon into our lives the specialties of countless distant others.

The “cheap-energy mind,” as Wendell Berry called it, is the mind that asks, “Why bother?” because it is helpless to imagine — much less attempt — a different sort of life, one less divided, less reliant.

In the judgment of James Hansen, the NASA climate scientist who began sounding the alarm on global warming 20 years ago, we have only 10 years left to start cutting — not just slowing — the amount of carbon we’re emitting or face a “different planet.” Hansen said this more than two years ago, however; two years have gone by, and nothing of consequence has been done. So: eight years left to go and a great deal left to do.

If you do bother, you will set an example for other people. If enough other people bother, each one influencing yet another in a chain reaction of behavioral change, markets for all manner of green products and alternative technologies will prosper and expand. (Just look at the market for hybrid cars.) Consciousness will be raised, perhaps even changed: new moral imperatives and new taboos might take root in the culture. Driving an S.U.V. or eating a 24-ounce steak or illuminating your McMansion like an airport runway at night might come to be regarded as outrages to human conscience. Not having things might become cooler than having them. And those who did change the way they live would acquire the moral standing to demand changes in behavior from others — from other people, other corporations, even other countries.
All of this could, theoretically, happen. What I’m describing (imagining would probably be more accurate) is a process of viral social change, and change of this kind, which is nonlinear, is never something anyone can plan or predict or count on.. Who knows, maybe the virus will reach all the way to Chongqing and infect my Chinese evil twin. Or not. Maybe going green will prove a passing fad and will lose steam after a few years, just as it did in the 1980s, when Ronald Reagan took down Jimmy Carter’s solar panels from the roof of the White House.
Going personally green is a bet, nothing more or less, though it’s one we probably all should make, even if the odds of it paying off aren’t great. Sometimes you have to act as if acting will make a difference, even when you can’t prove that it will. That, after all, was precisely what happened in Communist Czechoslovakia and Poland, when a handful of individuals like Vaclav Havel and Adam Michnik resolved that they would simply conduct their lives “as if” they lived in a free society. That improbable bet created a tiny space of liberty that, in time, expanded to take in, and then help take down, the whole of the Eastern bloc.

The idea is to find one thing to do in your life that doesn’t involve spending or voting, that may or may not virally rock the world but is real and particular (as well as symbolic) and that, come what may, will offer its own rewards. Maybe you decide to give up meat, an act that would reduce your carbon footprint by as much as a quarter. Or you could try this: determine to observe the Sabbath. For one day a week, abstain completely from economic activity: no shopping, no driving, no electronics..

But the act I want to talk about is growing some — even just a little — of your own food. Rip out your lawn, if you have one, and if you don’t — if you live in a high-rise, or have a yard shrouded in shade — look into getting a plot in a community garden. Measured against the Problem We Face, planting a garden sounds pretty benign, I know, but in fact it’s one of the most powerful things an individual can do — to reduce your carbon footprint, sure, but more important, to reduce your sense of dependence and dividedness: to change the cheap-energy mind.
A great many things happen when you plant a vegetable garden, some of them directly related to climate change, others indirect but related nevertheless. Growing food, we forget, comprises the original solar technology: calories produced by means of photosynthesis. Years ago the cheap-energy mind discovered that more food could be produced with less effort by replacing sunlight with fossil-fuel fertilizers and pesticides, with a result that the typical calorie of food energy in your diet now requires about 10 calories of fossil-fuel energy to produce. It’s estimated that the way we feed ourselves (or rather, allow ourselves to be fed) accounts for about a fifth of the greenhouse gas for which each of us is responsible.
Yet the sun still shines down on your yard, and photosynthesis still works so abundantly that in a thoughtfully organized vegetable garden (one planted from seed, nourished by compost from the kitchen and involving not too many drives to the garden center), you can grow the proverbial free lunch — CO2-free and dollar-free. This is the most-local food you can possibly eat (not to mention the freshest, tastiest and most nutritious) … And while we’re counting carbon, consider too your compost pile, which shrinks the heap of garbage your household needs trucked away even as it feeds your vegetables and sequesters carbon in your soil. What else? Well, you will probably notice that you’re getting a pretty good workout there in your garden, burning calories without having to get into the car to drive to the gym. (It is one of the absurdities of the modern division of labor that, having replaced physical labor with fossil fuel, we now have to burn even more fossil fuel to keep our unemployed bodies in shape.) Also, by engaging both body and mind, time spent in the garden is time (and energy) subtracted from electronic forms of entertainment.
You begin to see that growing even a little of your own food is, as Wendell Berry pointed out 30 years ago, one of those solutions that, instead of begetting a new set of problems — the way “solutions” like ethanol or nuclear power inevitably do — actually beget other solutions, and not only of the kind that save carbon. Still more valuable are the habits of mind that growing a little of your own food can yield. You quickly learn that you need not be dependent on specialists to provide for yourself — that your body is still good for something and may actually be enlisted in its own support. If the experts are right, if both oil and time are running out, these are skills and habits of mind we’re all very soon going to need. We may also need the food. Could gardens provide it? Well, during World War II, victory gardens supplied as much as 40 percent of the produce Americans ate.
But there are sweeter reasons to plant that garden, to bother. At least in this one corner of your yard and life, you will have begun to heal the split between what you think and what you do, to commingle your identities as consumer and producer and citizen. Chances are, your garden will re-engage you with your neighbors, for you will have produce to give away and the need to borrow their tools. You will have reduced the power of the cheap-energy mind by personally overcoming its most debilitating weakness: its helplessness and the fact that it can’t do much of anything that doesn’t involve division or subtraction. The garden’s season-long transit from seed to ripe fruit — will you get a load of that zucchini?! — suggests that the operations of addition and multiplication still obtain, that the abundance of nature is not exhausted. The single greatest lesson the garden teaches is that our relationship to the planet need not be zero-sum, and that as long as the sun still shines and people still can plan and plant, think and do, we can, if we bother to try, find ways to provide for ourselves without diminishing the world.

 

What the National Guard does April 18, 2008

I am in the Colorado Army National Guard, and lately it has become clear to me that most people out there don’t have the slightest clue what that means.  Some conversations I’ve had about it lately have initially offended me, but then I have to remind myself that a little over five years ago I was walking into a National Guard recruiting office to ask what it was myself.

So with that in mind, I thought I’d try my hand at explaining it to you all.

The National Guard consists of two branches, Air and Army.  We go through the same basic training as the Active duty Air Force and Army, we go through the same job training as the active duties, and we hold all the same jobs our active duty counter parts.

National Guardsmen deploy on the exact same federal missions as the Active Duty and Reserves.  Right now there are many Colorado Guardsmen deployed in support of Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan and Guantanamo Bay, and there are CONG Guardsmen deployed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom in Iraq.  There are probably CONG Guardsmen deployed elsewhere as well, but I don’t know about them.

In addition to federal missions, the National Guard also deploys for state emergencies.  Recent state missions for the CONG have included aiding the City of Alamosa with a water contamination, blizzard and tornado relief missions last year, Hurricane Katrina relief and forest fire relief the year before I joined (that’s part of what inspired me to join).  Active duty and reservists do not respond to state emergencies.  We are the first responders of the United States Military.  One of our most famous first responses in recent history is the deployment of National Guard troops to airports throughout the nation after 9/11.

Most of the time, Guardsmen function like Reservists.  We have duty one weekend a month, this is called drill.  We also have a two week period of duty called Annual Training (AT).  AT is traditionally conducted during the summer, though it can be done any time of year, and can even be broken up and done throughout the year in small bits.  During drill and AT most units do training, although some units, like mine, work on real world missions.

Every state has it’s own National Guard.  The commander in chief of the National Guard is the governor, not the president.  If the president wants to use the National Guard for a federal mission, he must ask the governors of the states for their permission to use them.  In essence, the governor lends us to the president.  This asking is really just a formality, as I don’t think there has ever been a governor that has said no.  Despite this, it is very important that the formality remain in place, because it is an important factor in maintaining sovereignty of state.  Each state is entitled to its own militia in order to defend itself against the federal government should it become oppressive.  Last year President Bush tried to bypass the asking permission step and make it so the National Guard could be pulled into federal service whenever the president decreed (as if he couldn’t get Guard troops any time he wanted them).  Hey Bush, while we’re at it, why don’t we just create one giant, massive federal government and usurp all power from the individual states?  Yeah, I’ll bet that’s something our founding fathers were down for.

The National Guard is arguably the oldest military force in the country.  The farmers and town folk who first picked up arms against the British in the days of the American Revolution were, after all, the very first Citizen Soldiers.  Those civilians who bore arms for our independence became the state militias, which eventually evolved into the National Guard as we know it today.

Here’s where it gets kind of confusing.  Most of us are whats called Mday Guardsmen, which means we are only on duty when we have drill, AT or are deployed.  Beyond that, most Guardsmen have civilian jobs that may or may not have anything to do with their job in the military (for example, there are dudes in the CONG’s Army Band who are cops, but there are also dudes in the band who are music teachers).  Some of us, on the other hand, have full time jobs working for the Guard.  Those people are either Active Guard Reserve (AGR), which means they get paid and benefits just like an Active Duty service member, or they are Technicians (that’s what I am) and I get paid on the Government Scale and am entitled to Government Scale benefits.  Civilian employees of the government also get paid on the Government Scale.  Although I am technically considered a civilian employee at my full time job at State Headquarters, I wear my uniform every day.  Not even I understand why.

Anyway, everyone should get to know and love their local National Guard, because we do double the duty for you, our countrymen, on less budget than the federal troops get.

In short, the National Guard is

  • Soldiers and Airmen, just like the active duty.  We wear the same uniforms, do the same jobs and complete the same level of training.
  • Troops used for federal missions, such as the War in Iraq and the War on Terrorism
  • First responders for local, domestic disasters
  • The oldest military force in the country

And, for the record, I am not exempt from deployments just because I am a single mother.  The only way I can avoid a deployment is if I am pregnant or had a baby in the last 4 months.  As a matter of fact, my unit just deployed to Iraq, and had they left just a week later, I would have gone with them.  My son was just a week away from being 4 months old when they left.  We were given a 60 day warning before this deployment.