All Natural, Single Mothering 101

The green adventures of a single new mother

Book Review: Natural Family Living, The Mothering Magazine Guide to Parenting June 30, 2008

I know I haven’t been blogging as much as I used to.  As we get closer and closer to the Democratic National Convention, my office is getting busier and busier, and I have less free time.  Hopefully the business won’t be lasting too much longer, though.

Today I’d like to tell you all about the book Natural Family Living by Peggy O’Mara, the publisher, editor and owner of Mothering Magazine, and Jane McConnell, former editor in chief and publisher of Women’s Sports and Fitness magazine and associate editor of Mothering Magazine.  I love Mothering Magazine, so I was pretty eager to get this book.  I started reading it when Elijah was about 12 weeks old.  He’s 7 months old now, and I skipped chapters that didn’t apply to me.

Obviously, this book is a monster.  Its the size of a college text book, and is organized like one too.  Also, like a college text book, it is a wealth of strait forward, clearly explained information on Attachment Parenting.  It covers everything from preconception to adolescence, with a forward by Dr. William Sears, the practically worshiped guru of all things Attachment Parenting (in fact, he’s the one who coined the term, Attachment Parenting, in a way he invented it - at least he invented it for industrialized nations, since its the only parenting choice available for indigenous peoples).

First, my complaints with the book.  This book was obviously written for married people who planned their pregnancies.  Yes, I recognize that this is the ideal that we all (allegedly) strive for, but it doesn’t happen to be the common reality.  I don’t think anyone in my entire family planned any of their pregnancies (at least not that they would admit to) and half of them were not married at the time of conception.  I don’t know many people who have.  In fact, when I first announced I was pregnant at work, someone from another office asked me “How long were you trying?” and I replied without thinking “Pssh, who tries to have a baby?” (ooops, apparently she and her husband tried for many years before they got pregnant, awkward).  Maybe its just my world view, but it seems like you’re pretty lucky if you get to plan your pregnancy.  Even married people have oops.  But we are not married.  We are single moms.  Many of us were never married.  This book doesn’t even acknowledge us.

The only thing this book said that seemed to apply to me as a single, never wed mother, was insulting.  On page 6 it says “One study indicates that women involved in stormy relationships run a 237 percent greater risk of bearing a psychologically or physically damaged child.  A pregnant woman needs emotional support, and the baby’s father is often the most important source of that support.”  Gee, thanks.  I guess I was pretty stupid to pay more attention to those dozens of studies that indicate having an abusive, addict father would screw you up, instead of listening to your one study saying fathers were the most important source of emotional support.  Yes, I know they weren’t actually saying that I should have stayed with the drunk bum who knocked me up.  What upsets me is that they don’t say anything about women in my situation.  As if women who inadvertently get involved in “stormy” relationships (because no one does it on purpose) should be ignored, forgotten about, brushed aside to make way for those women who happen to be able to plan their pregnancies with their perfect husbands.  As if its women’s responsibility to fix “stormy” relationships so that she can have a healthy baby.

They could have fixed that problem, that awful impression they gave me, with a very simple mention somewhere in the book that it is better for mother and child to be alone than to be in a destructive relationship.  In fact, the book would do well to recognize those mothers who have never been married, because while the book has whole chapters on divorce and the death of a family member, it has not one mention (unless its in one of those two chapters, because I didn’t read them) of women who either had to leave their partners because they were somehow unfit, women who’s partners abandoned them because they didn’t want the responsibility of a child or women who choose to get pregnant on their own because a descent man hasn’t presented himself to them yet.  The book could do well with an update chapter for women like us, instead of willfully ignoring us and furthering society’s perception that we are somehow unworthy, hopeless and shameful.

Other than that (really, its easy to get past all that scathing stuff I said up there, I promise), the book was great.  I like that it covered issues beyond infancy and toddlerhood, and I particularly appreciated the chapters on discipline, sexuality, public schooling and alternative schooling.  I have a lot of fear about what I’m going to do when Elijah gets bigger and I have to start being a “real mom”.  Of course I’m a real mom now, but with a baby its different.  Babies don’t need to be disciplined or taught, and they’re not really going to remember you.  The interaction is just different now, I don’t know how to explain it.  Anyhow, its not important.

I also enjoyed the chapters on Natural (Drug-Free) Childbirth, even though I had already done it and didn’t really need to read about it, circumcision, even though I already chose not to circumcise my son (and actually, I didn’t really enjoy reading the chapter on circumcision, it really grossed me out, and there were parts I had to skip because I was too squeemish to read them, but it made me feel even better about my choice to leave my son intact) the chapters on healthy eating and alternative medicine, and I really loved Chapter 14, What Makes a Healthy Family.

This book, I have a feeling, is going to be a constant reference for me.  Like I said, I didn’t read every chapter.  I didn’t read the chapters on Homeschooling (since that’s just not an option for me), Handling Divorce (since I’d have to be married first) and Handling Death (I’ll get to it when it happens, if it happens).  I also only skimmed through the chapter on adolescence, since I’m pretty far away from that.  This was a pretty hefty book and by the time I got that far I was just wanting to finish it because I wanted to write a review of it.

In short, despite the despicable neglect of single parent households in this book, I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in natural parenting methods, or anyone who just isn’t sure about the stricter, Ferberization methods that are so popular today.  There are many alternatives to the “cry it out” methods.

 

For all of you crafty single moms out there June 13, 2008

Here is a site that gives you instructions for turning your old bras into nursing bras.  I am totally doing this.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

Check this out June 3, 2008

This is good for any expectant mother, but it’s written by a single expectant mother.  I like to hear from single moms, especially single moms at Grist.  I’m trying to figure out how to write a thank you and some words of encouragement to Amy Linn, but I can’t find her name in the staff section on the Grist website.  Huh.

And this is a list of green pregnancy books, of which I’ve only read one.  Maybe I’ll write my own review of it tomorrow.  If I have time.  It sure is busy at work these days.  Pretty good stuff.

 

This is strange May 30, 2008

I’ve eaten a lot of spinach salads the past couple of days.  Do you suppose that’s why my breastmilk has a greenish tinge?

Here are the plans for the weekend.

Tonight I’m going to see Indiana Jones at the drive in.  Snooch!  (I don’t know why, but I’m doing a Jay from Jay and Silent Bob thing today.  It just seems appropriate).  For those of you who don’t know, I am very likely the worlds biggest Indiana Jones freak.  In fact, a week after my son was born I was overcome by incredible namer’s remorse.  I realized that I should have named him Indiana.  Had I thought of it before he was born, his name would be Indiana right now.  I am not even kidding.  The year before last, I went as Indiana Jones for Halloween.  My business cards are written in Indiana Jones font (and under my name it says “Professional Adventurer since 1983).  I LOVE Indiana Jones.

Tomorrow, I was thinking about checking out the Denver Zine Fest, after I possibly go to a Holistic Moms meeting.

Sunday, I have my second cousin’s graduation party to go to.  Then I’m chillin at home (that means doing house work, hopefully, if I don’t get distracted by something else, like a game of peek a boo).

Monday, Elijah and I are going hiking.  For realsies.

You all should totally check this out.  Its a free, online book filled with crazy uses for baking soda.  Can I really make my own Gatoraide?  Snoogins!

Have a fun weekend everyone!

 

One more thing May 24, 2008

Filed under: Biking, Community, For Fun, Uncategorized — jessimonster @ 12:28 am

If you guys want, you can check out my facebook page and my myspace page.  The myspace page is private, but send me a message and I can add you.  If you look at my facebook page, check out the group I started, People Before Cars in Denver, Colorado.

Now seriously, I’m going to go do something productive with my day off.  Like washing cloth diapers.  Yeah!

 

Happy long weekend! May 23, 2008

For those of you who don’t know, I work four tens (four days a week, ten hours a day), which means every weekend is a three day weekend for me. Because I work for the government, they also always give us an additional day off when there’s a government holiday, which means no work for me today! Woohoo! Four day weekend! Anyway, I thought I’d share my weekend plans with you all, in case any of you in Denver would like to attend.

First, I’m going to the Memorial Day Parade tomorrow morning. Ugh.  I’m actually going to be working while I’m there. I have to take photos of all the Guard events. Gen. Edwards is going to be doing a presentation after the parade to remember Maj. Perry Jefferson. He was the Colorado Guard’s last MIA, he went missing in Vietnam 30 years ago. His remains were found and identified last year, and he was laid to rest in Arlington in April. It was very moving, here’s a link to the article about it.

Then, tomorrow evening, I’m going to the Colorado Local First Kickoff Party in Old Town Arvada. It starts at 4 at The D Note (7519 Grandview Ave, Arvada, CO 80002). Its all ages, and looks like it will be loads of fun. I’ll be there with my mom and my aunt, as well as my son in a snuggly. I’ll probably be the only tall redhead with a baby there.  Here’s a link to Colorado Local First.

Then on Monday, I’m running the Boulder Boulder. I use the term “running” loosely. I’ve never been to the Boulder Creek Festival before, but I hear its fun.

That’s it. That’s all my plans. Unless my sister goes into labor, of course, then all bets are off. Have a super Memorial Day weekend, don’t drive to much, and remember to wear sunscreen! I’ll post pictures next week.

 

Green up the purchases you already make tip #4 - Green your drinks May 16, 2008

Okay, this is more of a networking source, and its not really a purchase, but I filed it here anyhow because you will purchase something while participating.   This really makes no sense, but it would if I weren’t backing into it.

Green Drinks

Its a group of people interested in green living who get together for happy hour one day a month all around the world.  You don’t pay for membership or anything, just go to the site and figure out when and where your local chapter is meeting, then show up.  Then you buy drinks.  So see, what I’m writing about isn’t a purchase, but you purchase things when you get there.  See?  Ah, its a stupid point.

Anyhow, here in Denver they meet on the last Thursday of the month at Double Daughters.  I am going to try to be there, but my sister is due to have a baby the day before, and the minute she goes into labor my mom and I are dropping everything we are doing and driving out to Missouri to be with her.  Hopefully we will be there in time for the birth and for a week afterwards.  As you all know, there’s really no way to tell when a baby is going to decide to come, so we could be gone on the last Thursday of this month.  Who knows?

Also, if there are no posts for a week suddenly, now you’ll all know why.

 

Real quick, while Elijah is distracted by the kitty May 12, 2008

Filed under: Babies and Kids, For Fun — jessimonster @ 11:30 pm
Tags: , , ,

Elijah doesn’t let me get on the computer very long, which is why I don’t normally post on Mondays (I have Mondays off, in case you didn’t know), but I thought I’d check in real quick.  Today, Elijah and I are going to go hiking.  Its his first hiking trip, so we’ll take lots of pictures.

Have a super day!

 

Makes me miss that prince from the obscure African nation who has money to transfer into my account … May 10, 2008

CONFIDENTIAL/URGENT POLITICAL PROPOSAL
Dear Sir
First we must solicit your confidence in this issue. This is by virtue as being utterly confidential and “top secret”.
We are SENATOR HILLARY CLINTON, the wife of the former United States head of state, PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON, and also SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN, friend and associate of current head of state PRESIDENT GEORGE W BUSH. We got your contact through business inquiries as we were searching for contacts of a citizen who can help save our and our family’s political careers since our country has been frustrating us.
We are top officials of the United States Senate Government who are interested in importation of oil into our country with funds that are presently trapped in the FEDERAL TRANSPORTATION TRUST FUND dedicated to improving transportation. We wish to send this money to overseas accounts in the MIDDLE EAST but cannot due to restrictions in Congress Transportation Equity Act requiring that this money must be spent to build roads, bridges and high speed trains.
If you accept we will deliver to your a sum of 30 DOLLARS in the summer 2008 in form of a “GAS TAX HOLIDAY”. You will then deliver this money to accounts of our friends in Middle East by taking it to your nearby gasoline station where they have information to forward the money. Please supply your bank account, social security number, address and your vote in DEMOCRATIC PRIMARIES AND NOVEMBER GENERAL ELECTION.
But bear in mind that this transaction requires absolute confidentiality. Do not visit WWW.GASTAXSCAM.COM where there is information about dangers of our proposal and a petition to stop us from this diversion of funds.
PLEASE NOTIFY US URGENTLY OF YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF THIS PROPOSAL
Awaiting your rapid response
Yours truly
SENATORS HILLARY CLINTON AND JOHN MCCAIN
 

This has nothing to do with anything May 1, 2008

Filed under: For Fun, Uncategorized — jessimonster @ 11:44 pm
Tags: , ,