Book Review: Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

Total Money Makeover is, hands down, the best personal finance book I’ve ever read.

To be fair, its the only personal finance book I’ve ever read.

I’m not good with money.  Never have been.  I’ve got substantial debt for a person who’s only ever owned two credit cards (one of them, I didn’t even understand I was applying for a credit card when I got it!).  My credit score is on the lower end of so-so.  For years I’ve been wanting to pay off my debt, but I just haven’t had the motivation to do the things necessary to do so.

Having a baby complicated the matter further.  Single mothers aren’t known to be living in the lap of luxury.  Nearly half my paycheck goes to child care.  Throw diapers, food, clothes, and all the other little expenses that kids cost on there, and I don’t know how anyone who makes less than I do can afford to have children.  I’m not paying for fancy stuff (except the diapers, I do buy Seventh Generation) either. 

That’s why I think every single mom should read this book, especially if you don’t already have good financial habits.  Dave takes you through everything you need to write up a budget, stick to it, save up an emergency fund, pay down debt, and then start investing.  He advocates living entirely on cash.  No financing anything ever again!  I don’t know if I’m 100% behind that.  Things like student loans can be a godsend, and I don’t think its the end of the world to get a mortgage to buy a home.  But other than that, I’m totally with him.  I will certainly never finance a car again!

Dave’s tone is a little harsh, but I find that motivating, personally.  Since listening to his book, whenever I go to buy something I hear his voice in my head asking if I really need that.  Would I rather have that, or a debt paid off?  Would I rather have that, or be able to quit working full time one day because I have no bills to pay?

His tips are simple, practical, and within reach, I think, of every single mom out there.  His faith obviously plays a big role in his life and comes through in his book, but if you take the Bible quotes the same way you would take a fable with a moral from some other culture, I think even atheists can get a lot out of this book.

I definitely recommend this one on audio, because he is a riot to listen to.  The same material might be pretty boring on paper.

Book Review: In Defense of Food

Disclaimer:  After seeing him on the Colbert Report a few months ago, I totally have a crush on Michael Pollan.  He is not a bad looking older dude.  And his environmental values are right in line with mine.  SWOON.  Yes, I know he’s married and has a 16 year old son.  It’s not going to happen anyhow.  But my crush is not biasing my book review.  His books bias my crush.

 

Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.

These are the first words of Michael Pollan’s brilliant book, In Defense of Food.  I got it on audio book from the library and it was so good, I listened to it twice.  

This book is sort of a sequel to The Omnivore’s Dilemma, which I haven’t read yet.  I don’t think you need to read it to appreciate this book.  Pollan starts out the book talking about the history of nutrition science and what its results have been for our health as a nation.  Of course everybody knows that we have massive health issues in our country, not the least of which are obesity and diabetes epidemics, but I guess I never put two and two together before.  For decades, we’ve been receiving advice about how to eat from nutritionists, food manufacturers and the government, and it hasn’t made us any healthier.  In fact, in almost every respect, we are less healthy than we were before the nutrition scientists started advising us.

The part that blew my mind entirely was when he criticized the official dietary sanction put out in the 70’s to eat a low fat diet.  Apparently, there was little to no scientific evidence linking dietary fat to heart disease, obesity, or any of the other diseases of civilization.  What there is evidence of is that in cultures where the people lived on a traditional diet that was low in animal products, diseases of civilization (as they are called) are almost non existent.  That doesn’t necessarily mean that the fat in animal products were causing the problem.  Perhaps, as Pollan points out, the problem is something else in the animal products, or perhaps its that in diets heavy in animal products, we tend to eat less plants, and plants prevent the diseases of civilization.  We simply don’t know.  But what we do know is that the advice to replace animal fat with hydrogenated fat (trans fats) is perhaps the worst piece of health advice anyone could ever follow, because hydrogenated fat is the only fat that has been scientifically proven to cause heart disease.  We also are relatively sure that the advice to cut out fat led to adding more refined carbohydrates to our diet, which is very likely at the root of rising obesity and diabetes rates, and to a nation wide deficiency in Omega 3 fatty acids, which can have a disastrous effect on brain and nervous system function, in addition to lots of other health problems.

When I stopped to think about the period after having Elijah, I remembered that as soon as my milk production was well established, about six weeks after his birth, I proceeded to go on a low fat diet.  I lost a minimal amount of weight, almost had to quit nursing because my milk supply went way down (and never fully came back), and I suffered from post partum depression and something I could only describe as brain problems.  I could not remember anything (seriously, there was a time I had to call my mom to ask her how old I am), I couldn’t concentrate on anything, I couldn’t figure out how to do new things, and I often would be listening to someone speak to me, but be unable to process what they were saying.  It basically felt like the connections in my brain had been cut, and even more than a year since I had pretty much abandoned the diet, I was still feeling that way.  Pollan proposed something in the book that made it all make sense to me.  The brain is 60% fat.  The greatest concentration of Omega 3s in the body are in the brain. If I was deficient in fat, it seems reasonable to assume that it might have had a negative effect on my brain, an organ that is primarily fat.  I immediately went out and bought some almond butter and flax seed oil, and then I set to researching the links between fat intake and PPD (in between spoonfuls of almond butter and flax seed oil laced fruit smoothies).  Apparently, there is much talk about this subject out there, but I was only able to find two actual studies, one confirming a potential link between Omega 3 deficiency and PPD, and one that found that increased fish consumption (fish is high in Omega 3s) did not seem to have any kind of affect on PPD.  Some of the doulas I knew emailed me siting other studies that confirmed a link between healthy fat intake and PPD, along with a slew of personal experiences.

But Pollan cautions against following any food trend in which one nutrient is demonized (low-fat, low-carb, etc.) and one is glorified (protein, Omega 3s, etc.).  The whole point of the book is that the value of food cannot be measured by amounts of known nutrients.  Food is complex, and there is always some new nutrient being discovered and hailed as a miracle nutrient, or a toxin.  Often, the nutrients go in and out of vogue with nutrition scientists so quickly that we don’t even know what’s supposed to be healthy and what’s not (the history of the egg is a perfect example).  Instead, Pollan says that we should consider foods over nutrients, and eat a well balanced diet without worrying about the nutritional content.

Thus the rule, eat food, not too much, mostly plants.

There are some sub rules, to make the primary rule more clear.  For example, don’t eat anything your grandmother (or great-grandmother, or great-great-grandmother, depending on how old you are) wouldn’t recognize as food.  He targets GoGurt while explaining this rule, which made me smile, because GoGurt is a product that grossed me out from the minute I first saw a commercial for it.

Other rules include don’t eat anything with unpronounceable words or things that you don’t know what they are in the ingredient list, especially high fructose corn syrup (I would add aspartame and hydrogenated oil of any kind to that list).  Cook your own meals from scratch, always eat at a table, of the plants you eat, most of them should be leaves/fruits/vegetables (as opposed to grains), and eat slower.  That’s not all the rules, but it gives you an idea of where he’s going.  I don’t think he says a damn thing that any doctor could really argue with (who can argue with a varied diet based primarily on fruits and veggies, then whole grains and nuts, then animal products?), although nutrition scientists and government officials might take offense at his review of the work they do.

I have not eaten the same since reading his book. I have found it easy to abstain from I Can’t Believe Its Not Butter Spray and Skinny Cow Ice Cream.  I have been eating a lot more veggies throughout the day (I can’t give up snacking, like he suggests, but I don’t think it’s so bad if you snack on fruits and veggies, right?).  He has convinced me to try anchovies (as soon as I find a good recipe for them that might make them seem more palatable).  The changes I made to my diet haven’t been that dramatic, but I’m hoping that I can report a positive difference once I’ve been doing them long enough.  I’ll keep you all posted.

Books for your kiddos

I’m sure I don’t have to tell all of you about the benefits of reading to your children.  Its a fun thing for the two of you to do together that has so many mental, emotional, and even physical benefits that not a single person in the world advocates against it.  Its pretty much the only parenting ideal that is universal.  Everybody, whether they advocate attatchment parenting, ferberization, or anything in between, agrees that reading to your kids is one of the best things you can do for them.

I love reading with Elijah (even though he really won’t sit still for a book, and he always wants to turn the pages before the page is up, then turn back a few pages, then turn forward a few pages).  I’m hoping that if I keep at it, one day he will love to sit and listen as much as I love to read.  A friend of mine had a great idea (it wasn’t my son that inspired it, he just applied the idea he already had to my son) … maybe he’d be more interested if the book were about him.

He had a point.  Elijah is really too young to know the plot line of a story, but he’ll sit still a lot longer to look at photo albums of himself.  Maybe in a year or so, a book about him would be a great idea.

My friend has just started a company that sells the most customizable children’s books available, MJM Books.  Not only can you choose the name and gender of the main character in the books, you can also design the character to look like your child!  Well, not exactly like your child, but close enough for your son or daughter to understand that its supposed to be them.

Its a cute gift idea for any kiddo, and I felt like doing a small plug for him here, because he is an old, dear friend of mine from high school, and because I actually think his books are pretty cool.  In fact, I’ll be ordering one for Elijah’s second birthday.

Furthermore, supporting small business (and its a local one, if you live in Denver, Phoenix or Chicago, the cities where the brothers who started the company live and run the business out of), is great for the environment and the economy.  You can rest assured that everything that goes into the books is totally independent and unique, from the author and illlustrators to the business model itself. 

Not only this, but Jeff (my friend) and his brothers are dedicated environmentalists, and they run their company on a very green platform.  All of their books are printed on 100% recycled paper and since each book is custom made, there is no wasted printing and inventory.  They work within the guidelines set forth by The Rainforest Alliance and the Forest Stewardship Counsel, and they are quick to point out that Jeff does not have a car (so the book’s author is even green in his personal life!).  Nor has he ever, that I’m aware of.  In high school, he spent a lot of the time tooling around with us in my friend’s mom’s minivan.  He also volunteers in a kids reading and writing program.  It won’t say so on the website, but Jeff also headed the Green Party at his college, and he recycles.

Check the books out.  I think you’ll enjoy them.

I saw Twilight last night

Is it just me, or does that story kind of glorify abusive relationships? Try to follow me on this one.

Girl likes guy.

Guy treats girl rudely, going out of his way to harass her and tell her to stay away from him, when she wasn’t even attempting to interact with him.

Girl knows nothing about this guy, except that he has treated her disrespectfully.

Eventually, she learns that the guy is dangerous, that he has been known to act violently in the past and actually has though about doing violent things to her. At this point, girl falls head over heels for guy.

What the hell? Is the actual character of Edward Cullins in the movie Twilight abusive? No. But does he show many characteristics universal in abusive men? Yes.

Glorifying that kind of behavior and showing it lead to a dramatically romantic relationship is nothing short of glorifying abusive behavior. Young girls may see this movie, and others like it in pop culture (because there are many), and when treated like this by a man in real life find themselves drawn to that man (who is very likely abusive), instead of running from him, as they should. You ever know a woman who gets into one abusive relationship after another, and almost seems to enjoy it? Its stories like this one that breeds the perception that a dramatic, difficult relationship is a good one. Its stories like this ones that tricks girls into thinking that a man who treats them poorly and hurts them physically is a man who loves them deeply.

As someone who has been in abusive relationships, I did not like this movie at all. I would never allow my daughter to see it until she is old enough to understand how unrealistic and harmful the story line is, and I would have to be there with her to explain it to her.  I fear what this pop culture phenomenon is teaching the girls of the next generation.

Book Review: Natural Family Living, The Mothering Magazine Guide to Parenting

I know I haven’t been blogging as much as I used to.  As we get closer and closer to the Democratic National Convention, my office is getting busier and busier, and I have less free time.  Hopefully the business won’t be lasting too much longer, though.

Today I’d like to tell you all about the book Natural Family Living by Peggy O’Mara, the publisher, editor and owner of Mothering Magazine, and Jane McConnell, former editor in chief and publisher of Women’s Sports and Fitness magazine and associate editor of Mothering Magazine.  I love Mothering Magazine, so I was pretty eager to get this book.  I started reading it when Elijah was about 12 weeks old.  He’s 7 months old now, and I skipped chapters that didn’t apply to me.

Obviously, this book is a monster.  Its the size of a college text book, and is organized like one too.  Also, like a college text book, it is a wealth of strait forward, clearly explained information on Attachment Parenting.  It covers everything from preconception to adolescence, with a forward by Dr. William Sears, the practically worshiped guru of all things Attachment Parenting (in fact, he’s the one who coined the term, Attachment Parenting, in a way he invented it – at least he invented it for industrialized nations, since its the only parenting choice available for indigenous peoples).

First, my complaints with the book.  This book was obviously written for married people who planned their pregnancies.  Yes, I recognize that this is the ideal that we all (allegedly) strive for, but it doesn’t happen to be the common reality.  I don’t think anyone in my entire family planned any of their pregnancies (at least not that they would admit to) and half of them were not married at the time of conception.  I don’t know many people who have.  In fact, when I first announced I was pregnant at work, someone from another office asked me “How long were you trying?” and I replied without thinking “Pssh, who tries to have a baby?” (ooops, apparently she and her husband tried for many years before they got pregnant, awkward).  Maybe its just my world view, but it seems like you’re pretty lucky if you get to plan your pregnancy.  Even married people have oops.  But we are not married.  We are single moms.  Many of us were never married.  This book doesn’t even acknowledge us.

The only thing this book said that seemed to apply to me as a single, never wed mother, was insulting.  On page 6 it says “One study indicates that women involved in stormy relationships run a 237 percent greater risk of bearing a psychologically or physically damaged child.  A pregnant woman needs emotional support, and the baby’s father is often the most important source of that support.”  Gee, thanks.  I guess I was pretty stupid to pay more attention to those dozens of studies that indicate having an abusive, addict father would screw you up, instead of listening to your one study saying fathers were the most important source of emotional support.  Yes, I know they weren’t actually saying that I should have stayed with the drunk bum who knocked me up.  What upsets me is that they don’t say anything about women in my situation.  As if women who inadvertently get involved in “stormy” relationships (because no one does it on purpose) should be ignored, forgotten about, brushed aside to make way for those women who happen to be able to plan their pregnancies with their perfect husbands.  As if its women’s responsibility to fix “stormy” relationships so that she can have a healthy baby.

They could have fixed that problem, that awful impression they gave me, with a very simple mention somewhere in the book that it is better for mother and child to be alone than to be in a destructive relationship.  In fact, the book would do well to recognize those mothers who have never been married, because while the book has whole chapters on divorce and the death of a family member, it has not one mention (unless its in one of those two chapters, because I didn’t read them) of women who either had to leave their partners because they were somehow unfit, women who’s partners abandoned them because they didn’t want the responsibility of a child or women who choose to get pregnant on their own because a descent man hasn’t presented himself to them yet.  The book could do well with an update chapter for women like us, instead of willfully ignoring us and furthering society’s perception that we are somehow unworthy, hopeless and shameful.

Other than that (really, its easy to get past all that scathing stuff I said up there, I promise), the book was great.  I like that it covered issues beyond infancy and toddlerhood, and I particularly appreciated the chapters on discipline, sexuality, public schooling and alternative schooling.  I have a lot of fear about what I’m going to do when Elijah gets bigger and I have to start being a “real mom”.  Of course I’m a real mom now, but with a baby its different.  Babies don’t need to be disciplined or taught, and they’re not really going to remember you.  The interaction is just different now, I don’t know how to explain it.  Anyhow, its not important.

I also enjoyed the chapters on Natural (Drug-Free) Childbirth, even though I had already done it and didn’t really need to read about it, circumcision, even though I already chose not to circumcise my son (and actually, I didn’t really enjoy reading the chapter on circumcision, it really grossed me out, and there were parts I had to skip because I was too squeemish to read them, but it made me feel even better about my choice to leave my son intact) the chapters on healthy eating and alternative medicine, and I really loved Chapter 14, What Makes a Healthy Family.

This book, I have a feeling, is going to be a constant reference for me.  Like I said, I didn’t read every chapter.  I didn’t read the chapters on Homeschooling (since that’s just not an option for me), Handling Divorce (since I’d have to be married first) and Handling Death (I’ll get to it when it happens, if it happens).  I also only skimmed through the chapter on adolescence, since I’m pretty far away from that.  This was a pretty hefty book and by the time I got that far I was just wanting to finish it because I wanted to write a review of it.

In short, despite the despicable neglect of single parent households in this book, I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in natural parenting methods, or anyone who just isn’t sure about the stricter, Ferberization methods that are so popular today.  There are many alternatives to the “cry it out” methods.

Book Review: Skinny Bitch

On Monday I bought the book Skinny Bitch, by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin.  I had heard it might help encourage me in my goal of eating less meat.  Actually, I heard it made many a woman decide to go vegetarian in the name of being thin.  Since I knew I’d never go vegetarian (again … there were a few years in high school there), I figured it would just give me more motivation to cut meat out of my diet as much as I can.

I have not eaten any meat since I bought it.  I’ve also eaten limited amounts of dairy (some cheese and sour cream on last nights dinner, and a minuscule bit of cheese in some veggie patties today).  I still don’t think I’m going to go entirely vegetarian – its damn near impossible to avoid meat in my family and my line of work – and I’m certainly not going to ever reach vegan status, but it has convinced me to cut the amount of meat and dairy I’m eating even more than I had already planned to. 

The authors state very clearly on the cover that this is a no-nonsense, tough-love guide, and its not kidding around.  It sounds like a drill sergeant wrote this at points, so if you don’t like to be yelled at, this book is not for you.  I can go 50/50 with the yelling thing.  Sometimes I respond really well to it.  Other times I don’t.  I don’t know what the difference is, but I responded well to this book.

The authors also obviously have an agenda that has nothing to do with helping you to get thin.  It doesn’t even have anything to do with living green (although both those issues are addressed by their agenda).  Their agenda is animal rights, and let me tell you, they’ve got me pretty damn convinced.  As convinced as I think I ever will be, that’s for sure.  I’m not the kind who thinks its wrong to eat meat, but I do think its wrong how we produce meat and the amount we eat, and the authors just made those feelings larger and louder inside of me.  But if you are really, super duper opposed to vegetarianism or veganism, this book isn’t for  you.  Or maybe it is.  Maybe you need the info in this book so you can at least understand where vegetarians and vegans are coming from.  I don’t know.

Despite the alternative agenda, the book makes a lot of sense.  It says to give up processed sugar and simple carbohydrates (well duh), smoking (done and done!), beer (not bloody likely), dairy (more likely than beer, but that’s not saying much) and meat (more likely than dairy, but that’s not saying much either).  Even though I personally would advocate limiting meat and dairy, rather than eliminating entirely, they do make a good case for elimination and all the more power to you if you do it!

I’m a little skeptical of the fasting information still.  I don’t think fasting without solid food for more than a day is in any way physically beneficial.  Consult a doctor before jumping on that band wagon.

The book is a little harsh until the last chapter, which makes it all even more worth while.  After all the yelling and horrifying info in the book, that warm fuzzy in the last chapter was really needed. 

This book has really had an impact on my life, I think.  I went into it highly skeptical and came out really won over.  I would recommend it to anyone interested in vegetarianism or veganism, or anyone interested in the production of and effects of our food on ourselves, our children and our environment.